finally broke the news to my mum and dad im not going to uni today
I heard my mums heart break a little bit inside, but she does seem pretty excited knowing that she can come visit me in Australlia in 2013. SO EXCITED TO GO. Get away from everything and everyone and see some beautiful places. magnif
I don’t think im going to university anymore. I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t even know if Sociology is what I want to do. If I went i’d be going just for goings sake, because it’s what everyone does. I think I’d be going because I’d feel I have to with the prices going up so bloody high next year. I shouldn’t just go to uni because I don’t know what else to do with my life, thats a massive amount of debt to be unhappy.
I’ve spoke to Meg & Chad, they fancy going travelling. Honk Kong, Thiland, Africa, Australlia, New Zeland, America. I need to speak to them both properly about the situation, but I’m starting to think my plan will be to work full-time for a year, bank it all, and then piss off round the globe for a year. I’m not ready to take on higher-education to get a ponsy piece of paper thats no different to what everyone else has. I’m ready to take on the world and see what it has to offer me.
a train of thought on having that feeling in work where you just feel sick
like you want to curl up in a ball and die. I can’t be jealous, I know it’s not jealousy, I’m dead certain in fact. It’s not that I have anything personally against you, I imagine you’re a lovely person and all. You’ve done nothing wrong. Yet, I just can’t look at you in the eye without dying a little bit inside. I felt so blank inside whilst you were stood there. So stupid. I wanted to bring myself to smile at you, to show I don’t hate you or whatever. I got a lot of grief from Lewis’ ex’s/friends of ex’s, and I hadn’t done anything wrong but fall in love with him, just like you have. Everytime I see you, which is seeming to be on a weekly basis with me being at Glossopdale, my heart beats so much faster and I kinda freak out. You remind me of him and how shitty he made me/still manages to make me feel.
All my friends think I’m mad for still feeling this way, and they’re probably right. I’m happy, I love my life the way it is at the moment, I have an amazing group of friends, a great job, and i’m going to be getting out of Glossop soon. I don’t cry myself to sleep at night because I live in pain and all that teenage melodramatic crap. He’s just a ghost that broke my heart, and unfortunately when I see his face or yours I get reminded of that feeling.